We’ve all had things show up in our lives that we didn’t want. Twenty five extra pounds on the scale. Passed over for a promotion that you were certain was yours. Your significant other decides to leave the relationship and you’d thought that you were working things out.
I’ve coached hundreds of people with countless variations of the same stories. What happens is that we get stuck on the circumstance that we’ve created and allow it to impact how or even if we choose to change it.
Let’s look at the conversation about excess weight. Your clothes get tight, the mirror isn’t as kind and you fall into a cycle of self-judgement. But you make the choice to shed the pounds and join the gym, go to a weight loss support group or start a new diet.
The problem is that if you bring all of your self-flogging thoughts to the solution you’ll significantly reduce your odds of succeeding. You mentally abuse yourself with a horrible internal chatter about how much you hate what your life looks like. If you do happen to achieve the results you desire and don’t shift the internal conversation, you’ll likely recreate the same reality. The weight comes back on with a few extra pounds, you don’t move to a better job or you keep attracting the same type of relationship.
The first step to changing this is to accept the reality, the “what is”. You don’t have to like it but just take a deep breath and own it. Without any judgement.
Each time you find yourself falling into the dark pit of chastising yourself, imagine that you’re reaching down, grabbing your hand and pulling yourself out. The more you do this, the easier it gets.
I promise you two things, if you don’t change the conversation that you’re having with yourself you will never permanently change your reality.
And if you do overcome it and succeed, you have.